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| A Tranny Guidebook So I became involved in the Queer community in my own area around 2006 after a very long period of sticking only with my own particular subgroup within that community. Generally I was (and still am) fairly accepted. But at the same time, there is a large amount of ignorance about how to deal with transfolk among especially the more mainstream gay community. That said, this is a guide to how to deal with transfolk for people with little experience with us. We really aren't all the same. You aren't going to find one transperson who represents all of us, and I definitely do not purport to be that person. Many people, however, try to play the trans ambassador to the rest of the world... and to tell you the truth, this usually doesn't work well. Often people who turn into sort of spokespersons for transgender issues are from a section of our community which is not quite in touch with the rest of us. Believe me, it's rarely their fault. People like Calpernia Adams, Susan Stanton, and Debra Davis became spokespeople for our community because certain events pushed them into that position. A large part of it, however, is t he insistence of gays and some transfolk to hide people who haven't physically transitioned, people of colour, transfolk with disabilities, and a number of other transfolk who don't fit their image of what they feel society needs to see to accept us better. On the other hand, pre-hormonal or non-hormonal transfolk often do not understand the surgical aspects to the degree to which post-op transfolk do. The point I am making here is that you need to avoid getting your information about us from just one source. But this article is assuming you want to learn more about how to deal with us transfolk on an individual level. So, from my position as a pre-T, non-op transman, here is my short guide to dealing with transfolk. First, use the right pronouns. Generally speaking, transmen (female-to-male transfolk) should be referred to as "he" and transwomen (male-to-female transfolk) as "she." Some people prefer gender neutral pronouns like "ze." Use what we prefer. Don't whine about it. And don't base it on whether or not we've physically transitioned. Use our proper names, too. If you knew us as a different name, try to use the new one as best you can. You'll eventually get used to it. Next, know what vocabulary to use. While many of us refer to ourselves as "trannies" or other words like that, it really isn't appropriate to use that word as a non-transperson unless you know the people you are talking to are okay with that. I know that when I hear somebody I know is non-trans refer to us as "trannies," even if it is in a well-meaning way, it comes off to me as ignorant people thinking they have a much better rapport with my community than they actually do. Tranny, however, is fairly benign. Stay away from words like "shemale" which are generally used by unsavoury individuals. My favourite words to use to refer to the trans community are simply "trans" and "transfolk." "Transgender" has a sort of awkward history, it was invented specifically to exclude transsexuals and then somehow later included them, so if you are referring to an older transsexual as "transgender" ze may not appreciate it. USUALLY "transgender" is perfectly fine, but keep in mind that it wasn't always an umbrella term. Treat us like you would anybody else of our gender without being a sexist prick. What I mean is, don't condescend to a transman like he's a little girl, but you know what? Don't do that to women, either. I know my family still does this to me. I have two brothers who are both non-transgender, and it is always assumed that I cannot handle any chores that involve things like heavy lifting, despite the fact we are relatively similar in size. At the same time, though, don't overdo it. We can tell, and it's almost as bad, seriously. It's flattering that you try, but you are doing nothing but calling attention to our transness when you say things like (and I'm direct quoting), "Why, how are you doing, MR. JACK?" Neither of these are particularly difficult advice to follow. Just treat us like normal people. One issue you need to be aware of us that not all of us are wonderfully socialized into the gender we live. This isn't overly shocking, after all, most of us were trained into the opposite gender our whole lives. Our communication styles may be similar to those of the opposite gender because of this. Some of us try to emulate the opposite of what we've been trained, but wind up turning into a parody more than anything, with some transwomen becoming touchy-feely or emotional to a degree which is uncomfortable to others (watch the documentary "Transgeneration" and observe Gabby for an example of this), or a transman might come off as a loud, uncouth braggart from trying too hard to emulate men. Personally, if somebody is acting in a way which is insulting, I think you need to call them on it (a lot of transmen, unfortunately, turn into sexist pricks because of this). But it's not a crime to be annoying, and keep in mind that it takes many years for us to learn these things. Passing/transitioning advice. If we don't ask for it, don't give it. How would you like it if somebody came and poked holes in your gender identity because you don't do things perfectly like a stereotypical person of your gender? If somebody is really concerned about this, ze will probably ask you anyway. Comments like "you should take out your earrings, they don't help you pass" ignore the fact that there are plenty of men who have earrings. It doesn't make us less trans to do some things associated with our biological sex. There are transwomen who don't wear makeup. There are transmen who don't bind their breasts. And most of us are completely aware of whether or not this "helps" or "harms" our ability to pass. Some of us just don't care, because passing isn't what makes you who you are. Now onto the really obnoxious stuff. They deal primarily with our bodies. We have bodies which are considered "different" by societal standards. Men with vaginas. Women with penises. People with rubber genitalia. People with surgically-created genitalia. These things make a lot of people uncomfortable, therefore they lead to some really asinine comments and question. First of all, it is absolutely unacceptable to define us by our genitals. Comments like "You should go into the bathroom your genitals match" are ludicrous and assume you will always know the genital makeup of everybody you ever meet in a public restroom. You don't. And on a daily basis, there are thousands of us who use the restroom appropriate for our gender but not our genitalia. Next, neither our sexual orientations nor the orientations of our partners should be defined by our genitals. A gay man dating a transman with a vagina is not somehow not gay. A lesbian dating a transwoman is not straight. And just like everyone else, we can be of any sexual orientation. "Trans" is not just an extreme form of homosexuality. Plenty of us transition and either maintain our relationships from before transition or enter into relationships with any gender. If you continue the ridiculous tradition of separating people by gender (such as having a men's team and a women's team in a game), allow us to choose which one to be in, don't insist a transwoman join a men's team or a transman the women's team (really you should find a better way of categorizing people, though). Stop reducing us to sex. This doesn't mean not to talk about sex or pretend it doesn't exist, but too often sex is the only thing people are interested in, including those in the gay community who one would think would know better. Don't assume we're going to try picking up on you. I can't count how many times some gay guy, without even so much of a hint that I might be into him, went on a soapbox rant about how he wouldn't have sex with somebody like me, usually followed with something stupid like "because I'm gay" because you know there are no gay guys who are into transmen (that's sarcasm, of course, there are plenty of gay guys who date transguys, whether you want to believe it or not, but that's the usual ludicrous excuse). If we do ask you out or something like that, just say "no" and take it as flattery that somebody was interested in you and SPARE US the explanation of how our bodies are oh-so-disgusting to you (no matter how nicely you try to put it, that's what you're saying). If you had somebody you found really unattractive hit on you, you wouldn't explain to them that you are rejecting them because they're unattractive and you only date attractive people. Use some tact, geez! Don't minimize our experiences. In many cases they will be wildly different from your own, even if you are queer. We are generally more visibly queer than other queer people, for at least part of our lives, and because of this it is more difficult for some of us to hide if we really need to. Furthermore, there is usually less legislation protecting us from discrimination than with other queers, and our gender factors into our lives nearly constantly. For example, I was once in a conversation with a bunch of gays in which they were wondering why anybody would come out to their professors. Why would their professors need to know? In my own case, if I don't, my grades might be improperly entered due to a name difference between what's on my papers and what I am registered at my school as. It's one thing to hide my relationships, which I've done, it's an entirely different one to have to hear the wrong name and pronoun your whole academic or work career. Don't assume that it's a choice. Some of us feel it is, just like some other queers feel it is, but it is certainly no more of a choice than one's sexual orientation. All too often, even people who think of being gay as a mode of being rather than a choice are willing to dismiss transfolk as just making a choice on a whim. I once had a newspaper interview begin with the statement, "Well, this is obviously your choice, so..." She had not talked to me and did not know I am in the queer-by-choice movement, so how she came up with that sweeping assumption was beyond me. For most of us, it isn't. And lastly, surgery. I leave this last because it should be of less importance to you, but to many, surgery is the one thing they think of. Every other question to me seems to be whether or not I'm on hormones or if I have a dick. Why should that be any business of yours? If I think you need to know, I'll tell you. We are talking about genitals and other areas our society has deemed private areas. If you wouldn't ask this of a non-trans person, ask yourself if you should be asking a transperson. If you feel you have a good reason, TELL US that reason first so we know in which context you want to know it and that we aren't just your personal freak show. Happy Trails, --Jackson If I wrote or drew it, you are free to use it in any publication or website which promotes the causes of liberation. |